Saturday, April 30, 2016

I Am

I Am not a lesbian because I choose basketball shorts over skirts.
I Am not a "tomboy" because I like, play, & talk sports.
I Am not to be "tried" or seen as bisexual because of my haircut or because of the way I walk (if my walk isnt "feminine" enough for you).
I Am disappointed that I have to "prove" my feminity, yet
I Am comfortable in my own skin- no matter if I look "feminine" to you or "not"
I Am no less of a woman because I dont paint my nails, wear make-up, high-heels, jewelry or perfume.
I Am female therefore that makes me feminine- regardless of what cultural standard or definition of feminity you ascribe to.
I Am a woman simply because I Am.
I Am me.

Disclaimer: This post is by no means is a slam to those who identify as LGBT. 

Sunday, April 10, 2016


I am so certain...without a doubt...that creation belongs to God and is authored by God. 

So why is it I struggle with faith regarding circumstances? 

As though they are bigger than God or outside the authorship and control of God? Maybe to some degree I feel my co-creatorship overriding God's at some point...or that my circumstances are....hmmmm...Im actually struggling to answer this or get the revelation on this one.

What do I truly feel about my circumstances?

Do I feel they are bigger than God or ignored by God? Or do I view my circumstances through the lens of how I view God's abilities or thoughts towards me (and humanity). 

So far I'm leaning towards the last one...I'm struggling in faith regarding my curcumstances and emotions because I view them through the lens of my perceived thoughts that God must have towards me and humanity.

Lord let this not be so!

Let You be true and me be a liar!

Place truth inside me! I beg You! This is and will be my only hope! 

If you do not do this...I will continue to live with a scoffers spirit...with no joy...peace...or life...

Let this not be so Lord! 

Let it not be so....

-Journal entry

Thursday, March 24, 2016

God's Will, God's Friendship

The delights of God's friendship. Genesis 18 brings out the delight of true friendship with God, as compared with simply feeling God's presence occasionally in prayer. This friendship means being so intimately in touch with God that you never even need to ask God to show you God's will. It is evidence of a level of intimacy which confirms that you are nearing the final stage of your discipline in the life of faith. When you have a right-standing relationship with God, you have a life of freedom, liberty, and delight; you are God's will.

-Oswald Chambers
Excerpt from "My Utmost for His Highest"

Conversation Starters

Thursday, March 3, 2016


So the other day I ran across one of my favorite music artist who said in an interview that she struggled with depression. She's an amazing worship minister with an amazing gift. So when I read this, believe it or not I actually wasn't shocked. In fact, it kind of made sense and confirmed a lot of what I had already started to believe. I thought about how many people who have touched such a deep place of God's presence often feel depressed when they go through life outside of those moments. It's like every second outside of that deep experience is empty. A chasing after the wind, like my twin Solomon puts it. 

See we were created to be fascinated, every second, minute and hour of the day. A fascination that can only be quenched with the joy, awe and wonder of experiencing the manifold and eternal presence of God. I would gather to say that the main times that this 'artist' did not feel depressed was when she was in her element of worshipping (writing, singing, etc). Of course there would be other times, but this is probably the most consistent, I gather, that she would say she did not feel depressed. Again it's a wild guess, but I'm going to go out on a limb and say it! 

Depression is something many of us go through, yet maybe aren't publicly willing to admit it; for fear of the stigma or whatever. Now Im fully aware that there are clinical and physiological forms of depression. Yet if I broaden the scope and define depression as 'a longing or ache which longs/seeks to be quenched' then I believe everyone struggles with depression - just to varying degrees/levels. I would go out on a limb and say this, because again, I believe, we as humans were and are created for fascination. Whenever we lack this in our lives, we become depressed. 

Think about it, most people try and find fascination in many ways: a new hair do, a new career path, a movie, a new romantic relationship....the list can go on and on....

Most of us hardly stop and think.... Man! All of these things fascinate me for a second, then my eyes pivot and I'm on to find the next bit of inspiration/fascination. 

We all have God-size longings of fascination that only God can fill. If you disagree, I welcome you to chase after all those things I just previously mentioned (two paragraphs up) and see if they fascinate you for the rest of your life. If they do, congratulations- you're the first person in history to complete this task. If they don't...then I hope that you would strongly consider pursuing fascination in the presence of God.

Isaiah 55:8

We are not seeking after a God who functions by man-made formulas

- K.S.