Thursday, January 8, 2015

I don't know what to think anymore....


I don't know what to think anymore....I am torn between the life I want to have (ease & comfort) and the life that I shouldn't be running so hard away from (pain & suffering). After reading Hosea & countless stories about the life of Paul and his sufferings. I have been meditating and examining myself on this notion of "what should I be thinking/moving towards?"

I know that I have been living my life and trying to set myself (consciously and un-consciously) towards a life of comfort and ease and as little struggle as possible....but is this what I should be making a priority?

I heard a line in a sermon the other day about how so many of us think that the path of least resistance means that we are headed in the right direction for God's will.


Oh how this is me....oftentimes I believe that I am on the right path based on how smoothly my life is going....or what doors are opening and what doors are shutting....but is this right?

I don't know!

Does suffering and resistance automatically equate to being in God's perfect will?

I don't know!

As I continue to re-read the words in Proverbs and Hosea I am challenged to continue to cry out to God to seek true wisdom, knowledge and understanding.

I don't want to "deck myself w/ earrings & jewelry and go after other lovers and forget the Lord"

I don't want to despise the discipline of the Lord and run away from the counsel of God. By doing this and going after my own way of understanding of what I believe is good in my life -  I will eat the fruit of my own way. This fruit will most likely not satisfy me the way that listening to the Lord will.

Countless times we are advised to not be wise in our own eyes and seek the Lord for wisdom, knowledge & understanding. This is where our "happy" comes from (Prov 3:13)

So today I cry out for discernment, wisdom, knowledge & understanding. Come Lord!

Sunday, November 30, 2014

Ben Watson- A timely voice in the wake of chaos

At some point while I was playing or preparing to play Monday Night Football, the news broke about the Ferguson Decision. After trying to figure out how I felt, I decided to write it down. Here are my thoughts:
I'M ANGRY because the stories of injustice that have been passed down for generations seem to be continuing before our very eyes.
I'M FRUSTRATED, because pop culture, music and movies glorify these types of police citizen altercations and promote an invincible attitude that continues to get young men killed in real life, away from safety movie sets and music studios.
I'M FEARFUL because in the back of my mind I know that although I'm a law abiding citizen I could still be looked upon as a "threat" to those who don't know me. So I will continue to have to go the extra mile to earn the benefit of the doubt.
I'M EMBARRASSED because the looting, violent protests, and law breaking only confirm, and in the minds of many, validate, the stereotypes and thus the inferior treatment.
I'M SAD, because another young life was lost from his family, the racial divide has widened, a community is in shambles, accusations, insensitivity hurt and hatred are boiling over, and we may never know the truth about what happened that day.
I'M SYMPATHETIC, because I wasn't there so I don't know exactly what happened. Maybe Darren Wilson acted within his rights and duty as an officer of the law and killed Michael Brown in self defense like any of us would in the circumstance. Now he has to fear the backlash against himself and his loved ones when he was only doing his job. What a horrible thing to endure. OR maybe he provoked Michael and ignited the series of events that led to him eventually murdering the young man to prove a point.
I'M OFFENDED, because of the insulting comments I've seen that are not only insensitive but dismissive to the painful experiences of others.
I'M CONFUSED, because I don't know why it's so hard to obey a policeman. You will not win!!! And I don't know why some policeman abuse their power. Power is a responsibility, not a weapon to brandish and lord over the populace.
I'M INTROSPECTIVE, because sometimes I want to take "our" side without looking at the facts in situations like these. Sometimes I feel like it's us against them. Sometimes I'm just as prejudiced as people I point fingers at. And that's not right. How can I look at white skin and make assumptions but not want assumptions made about me? That's not right.
I'M HOPELESS, because I've lived long enough to expect things like this to continue to happen. I'm not surprised and at some point my little children are going to inherit the weight of being a minority and all that it entails.
I'M HOPEFUL, because I know that while we still have race issues in America, we enjoy a much different normal than those of our parents and grandparents. I see it in my personal relationships with teammates, friends and mentors. And it's a beautiful thing.
I'M ENCOURAGED, because ultimately the problem is not a SKIN problem, it is a SIN problem. SIN is the reason we rebel against authority. SIN is the reason we abuse our authority. SIN is the reason we are racist, prejudiced and lie to cover for our own. SIN is the reason we riot, loot and burn. BUT I'M ENCOURAGED because God has provided a solution for sin through the his son Jesus and with it, a transformed heart and mind. One that's capable of looking past the outward and seeing what's truly important in every human being. The cure for the Michael Brown, Trayvon Martin, Tamir Rice and Eric Garner tragedies is not education or exposure. It's the Gospel. So, finally, I'M ENCOURAGED because the Gospel gives mankind hope.

Saturday, November 29, 2014

Food for thought

Happiness is not only on the other side of success...Happiness can be now.

Sunday, November 2, 2014

Dark but Lovely

The Shulamite:
Draw me away!

I am dark, but lovely....
Like the tents of Kedar, Like the curtains of Solomon...

We often have a hard time believing that we can be dark and lovely at the same time. We feel that if we are 'dark,' we must be disqualified or on probation from God's acceptance, love and attention. It seems absurd to us that God could look upon our weakness and still find us desirable.

Oh but He does! I am beginning to live in this revelation of how God never changes His gentle love towards us in our immaturity and darkness of sin. We are His favorites and He calls us fair beloved!

Rest and "Relax" in this truth today....(funny...I wonder if this inventor of this hair product "Dark and Lovely" had this revelation when concocting this 'relaxer' product)

Sunday, September 28, 2014

Food for thought

"Spiritual reading is reflective and prayerful. It is concerned not with speed or volume but with depth and receptivity. In a certain sense, when we are engaged in spiritual reading it is not so much we who read the Word as the Word who "reads" us. Perhaps when we read scripture, our task is not so much to master the text of scripture as to be mastered by the Source of that text."

Soul Feast- An Invitation to the Christian Spiritual Life

-by Marjorie Thompson

Saturday, September 13, 2014

Quote of the Day

"The conditional sources of our personal spiritual crises are not a sign of our sin, but an opportunity for spiritual growth. Persons in spiritual crisis need not take their situation as a sign of their poor standing with God."

- Crossroads in Christian Growth by W. Loyd Allen